Trudy's Diary Page 11

  Lady and Jesse are growing a bit more talkative and I think they are getting used to the idea of me moving into their home with them. Of course I would not presume to take the place of their mother, but I hope in time they can love me as I am sure I will love them.

  While Thomas talked with Papa in the stable, I took the children for a walk. I dearly wanted to ask them about their mother, but I fear I do not know them well enough to say anything yet. I hope the time comes when they are able to speak to me about her. I don’t know why I am so interested in her, but perhaps it is just my natural curiosity.

  I have not dared to ask Thomas about her again because he does not seem to like to talk about her, but his mood is much improved over the last time I saw him.

  T

  April 30, 1866- Monday

  The wedding is only twelve days away and we are working furiously to get all the clothing and linens made. Papa has made me a beautiful chest in which to put all my new things and the few things from home that I will be taking with me to my new home. I am getting quite excited.

  Thomas has been visiting more and more often. I think he is excited about the wedding, too. He says he will paint the main bedroom in his house any color I want once I move in. I think that is very thoughtful of him. I have learned more and more about him, such as his favorite things to eat and the books he likes best. He loves to read and he says my most important job when we are married will be to teach Lady and Jesse to read and write. He does not want them to go to school just yet, but I am hoping I can convince him to change his mind. There are some children their age who go to school in town, and I cannot understand why someone who values reading and writing so much does not want his own children to attend school. I think they would love it. It is something I will have to work on.

  T

  May 5, 1866- Saturday

  The wedding is just a few days away, and suddenly I am feeling a little nervous about moving to Thomas’ house. I have never been anywhere overnight except my aunts’ and uncles’ houses. Mama had a talk with me about the things Thomas will expect of me when we are married and I confess to being afraid. She says not to worry, that Thomas will understand.

  The chest Papa made for me is packed and ready to go to Thomas’ house and my wedding dress is ready and beautiful. I did the lace work myself while Mama and Margaret worked on the rest of the dress. I love it. I hope the weather is nice the day of the wedding.

  T

  May 12, 1866- Saturday

  Our wedding was yesterday, and we were lucky that the rain did not start falling until after we had taken our vows.

  I am now living in Thomas’ house. The things I brought with me to the house are unpacked and I have put everything where it belongs. It is strange to get accustomed suddenly to living in a new place.

  I can’t tell Thomas that I cried when I said good-bye to Mama and Papa. He would be disappointed in me and perhaps worry that I don’t want to live in his house with him and the children. But that is not true at all—I simply feel sad at not being able to see my parents every day from now on. I must face my womanhood with courage and strength and I don’t want to cry again. But I do miss Mama and Papa and Margaret and even the boys.

  Thomas says it is not a good idea for me to visit them very often because it will cause me pain and homesickness. I’m sure he is right, but I wish I could see my family every day.

  T

  May 30, 1866- Wednesday

  I have been the woman of the house for over two weeks now. Lady and Jesse seem to accept my presence here in the house, but they still do not talk to me very much. I long for them to sit with me and have a conversation the way they talk to each other, but they are not ready for that yet. They regard me with looks that remind me of fear and it makes me sad that they feel afraid of me. I am not going to hurt them—I merely want to love them.

  Thomas told me today that he has to take a short trip farther west. He will be leaving in a few days. He does not dote on me quite the way he did while we were courting, but I suspect that happens in all marriages.

  I still miss my family and have not seen them yet, but perhaps I can go visit them while Thomas is traveling.

  T

  Chapter 38

  Daisy was so engrossed in Trudy’s diary that she jumped when the buzzer rang from the vestibule downstairs. Mark John had arrived.

  “Darn it,” Daisy said. She closed the book, took off the gloves, and pushed the button to admit Mark John to her apartment. A minute later there was a knock at her front door. She opened it and Mark John stood outside. Jude was standing behind him.

  “Mind if we come in?” Mark John asked, indicating Jude with a wave of his hand. “Jude and I were both at the office, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal if we both came for the diary.”

  “Not at all,” Daisy assured him, stepping back and motioning them to come in. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, thanks.” Mark John looked around the apartment, not bothering to hide his nosiness.

  “So Brian wants to talk about the diary?” Daisy asked, at a loss for anything else to talk about.

  “Yeah, he asked if we can meet to talk about it this week. Probably for dinner. I’d love to know what is so special about that diary that he can’t just let me read it at my leisure--or not at all—and he has to discuss it with me.” Mark John’s voice was rising.

  Jude laid a hand on his arm. “Mark John, why don’t you tell Brian you can’t meet with him this week? It seems to be stressing you out.”

  Mark John rolled his eyes so only Daisy could see, then smiled thinly at Jude. “I’ll think about it.”

  “I have enjoyed reading it,” Daisy offered. “It’s just one young woman’s story from the mid-eighteen hundreds. I’ve gleaned a lot of information about women’s roles in society from her diary and I’m going to be using it as a source for my women’s history articles.”

  “That’s great,” Mark John said, looking out Daisy’s living room window. “My God, is that Brian down there?” Daisy and Jude went to stand beside Mark John and looked at the sidewalk below. Sure enough, Brian was standing on the corner, looking lost. He looked up and down each street from the intersection and glanced at a piece of paper he was holding. Then he looked up and down the streets again.

  “I’m not going out there while he’s standing there,” Mark John said through clenched teeth. “He’s driving me nuts.”

  “Mark John, I think you should call the police,” Jude said.

  “And tell them what? That my brother-in-law is standing on the corner?” he asked with a snarl.

  Jude pouted. “I only mean that he’s harassing you. You could tell them that.”

  “I’m not calling the police.” The tone of his voice brooked no disagreement.

  Jude shrugged and turned away from the window. “So what do we do now? Just sit here until he leaves? I have things to do today.” Daisy hoped they wouldn’t stay, but she had a sinking feeling that they would do just that while they waited for Brian to leave his post on the corner. What was he doing out there?

  “What I want to know is, why is he out there? Did he follow me here? Dammit!” Mark John seethed. He seemed not to have heard Jude’s question.

  “Who knows?” Jude answered with an exaggerated shrug. “He’s a kook.” To Daisy’s dismay she sat down on Daisy’s sofa and asked, “Daisy, could I have a glass of water?”

  “Sure,” Daisy replied, walking to the kitchen. She called over her shoulder, “Mark John, do you want a glass?”

  “Yes, please,” came the reply. Daisy sighed. This was not how she wanted to spend her Sunday afternoon. Then again, she thought, I don’t have anything better to do.

  She put three glasses of ice water on a tray and took them into the living room, where Mark John had made himself comfortable on the couch next to Jude. As she rounded the corner from the kitchen to the living room, Daisy saw Mark John take his hand off Jude’s knee.

  So Jude wasn’t
the only one with romantic feelings.

  Daisy set the tray on the coffee table in front of them, trying to avoid looking at either one of them.

  “You saw that, didn’t you?” Mark John asked.

  She nodded.

  “Don’t tell anyone, okay? We’re not ready for our relationship to be public knowledge,” Mark John said. Daisy nodded again. She searched her mind frantically for something to say.

  “So,” she began. “Is Brian still there?” Jude stood up and walked over to the window and nodded. Mark John made a scoffing noise with his throat. Daisy didn’t know what to say to these two. She was still reeling from the knowledge that they were dating so soon after Fiona’s death.

  “Any plans tonight, Daisy?” Mark John finally asked.

  “Nope. Just the usual Sunday night stuff,” she answered. The silence grew long. Finally Jude started talking about the weather, then talk turned to politics, then sports. Daisy hated talking about sports and she suspected Jude was only joining in to get Mark John to talk.

  Finally Daisy looked at Mark John and said pointedly, “I wonder if Brian is still there. If he is, should you just ask him to come up?” She knew what Mark John’s answer would be, but she hoped her remark would compel one of them to check the window to see if Brian was still down on the corner. Besides, Brian was probably the last person she wanted in her apartment just then.

  Jude took the hint and walked over to the window. “I don’t see him,” she said, and making a point of looking up and down the streets visible from the window, she turned to Mark John. “He must have given up. He’s not out there.” Mark John joined Jude at the window and scanned the streets.

  “Good. We should get out of here before he comes back,” he said. He held the diary in one hand and Jude’s elbow with the other. Daisy wanted to remind him to be careful with the diary, but she figured he knew how to handle an antique artifact without damaging it. She followed them to the door and watched them hurry down the stairs to the ground floor. She went back into her apartment and heaved a sigh of relief.

  Mark John and Jude were romantically involved. It was almost too unbelievable to contemplate. But she should have seen it coming--there was all the time Jude had been spending in Mark John’s office, the time they were spending together after hours.

  Her thoughts switched back to Trudy. She wished she had read the entire diary. The last couple entries had sounded like Trudy was a bit disenchanted with her new life as Thomas Sheridan’s wife and Daisy wanted to know what happened next. She wondered if Trudy ever had children of her own and if she and Thomas reached an agreement about letting her visit her family more often. She hoped Mark John would finish reading the diary quickly and let her borrow it again so she could find the answers to all her questions.

  And what of Brian’s odd visit to her neighborhood? He had to be there because he had followed Mark John. He must not have seen Mark John come into the building, or he wouldn’t have looked so confused down on the sidewalk. Daisy hoped Brian’s presence in her neighborhood had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Mark John.

  But, then again, Brian knew she was friends with Grover...and that Grover was a person of interest in Walt’s murder. How was all this connected? Was it possible Brian had been in the neighborhood looking for Daisy? Was it was merely a coincidence that he had been nearby at the same time as Mark John?

  The next morning Daisy was surprised when she walked into her office and found the diary on her desk. She smiled and went down the hall to Mark John’s office and knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” Mark John said.

  She stepped inside. “Mark John, I can’t believe how quickly you read that diary. Thanks for lending it to me again. Wasn’t it interesting?”

  He waved his hand dismissively. “I couldn’t get into it and I’ve decided to tell Brian the truth. I don’t understand the appeal it obviously holds for him. You can finish reading it and tell me about the rest of it if you want to, but for once I’m going to be straight with Brian and tell him to quit bothering me about the damned thing.”

  “If you wait until I finish it, I can tell you all about it and you can discuss it with him and keep the peace,” Daisy said pointedly. Mark John ran his hands through his hair.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t tell him off. How soon can you get through it, do you think?”

  “Give me a couple days and I can have it done for you,” she promised.

  “All right,” he said with a sigh. “I guess I can put him off a little longer. God, he drives me crazy.” Daisy thanked Mark John and went back to her office.

  She decided to take Monday afternoon for herself to read more of the diary at home. She turned off her cell phone and settled comfortably on the couch to read. She wanted to get through as much of the diary as possible before anyone could think of another assignment to give her.

  And once she started reading what came next, she couldn’t put the diary down.

  Chapter 39

  June 6, 1866- Wednesday

  Thomas left this morning for his trip. He asked me to spend a good deal of time while he is away teaching Lady and Jesse to read. I taught my brothers to read and I don’t think Thomas realizes that it is a long process. I hope he doesn’t expect the children to be reading by the time he comes home. If he does, he will be disappointed in both them and me.

  I was surprised at the lightness that I felt once Thomas left. I suppose I have been working very hard to try and please him. The children seem to feel it, too. They have been more talkative since he departed and I have seen them smile more. Thomas dislikes the noise they make when he is home, so they try to be quiet when he is around, which is quite often. They are bored and I feel sorry for them. But I do not mind noise—in fact, I welcome it! I have told them they may play until I am done with the morning chores and then we will sit down and I will begin to teach them their letters.

  I am planning a visit to my home to see Mama and Papa while Thomas is away. I suggested it to the children this morning and they seem thrilled with the idea of a short trip. Isn’t it funny—I still refer to Mama and Papa’s house as “my home” even though my home is really now with Thomas and the children.

  T

  June 9, 1866- Saturday

  The children and I took the horse and the wagon today and went to see Mama and Papa. It has been almost a month since I saw them and I cried when they came out of the house to greet me. Mama cried, too, but Papa just laughed. He said he taught me well if I was brave enough to leave my new home and bring two children over the miles to visit. I don’t think of it as being brave—I would do practically anything to see my family again.

  Lady and Jesse and I are staying overnight at my house. It is quite an adventure for them. Margaret and the boys played with them after supper tonight and my little charges are exhausted. They practically fell into bed even before it was completely dark outside. They slept in my old bed and I will sleep with Margaret. It is soothing to me to sit by the candlelight and write in my diary as I used to before my marriage to Thomas.

  Mama and Margaret have asked me many questions about Thomas but I cannot answer most of them because I don’t know the answers. They want to know what his job was before coming west, but other than the time he spent farming in Ohio, I have never asked him and he has never spoken about it. I had to tell them I don’t know. They also asked about his family, but I had to admit I don’t know anything about his family besides Lady and Jesse. I don’t know if his parents are living or whether he has sisters or brothers. Margaret seems scornful of my marriage to Thomas, but Mama tells her to hush and mind her tongue.

  I will have to ask Thomas those questions when he returns from his trip. I would like to know the answers, too.

  T

  June 16, 1866- Saturday

  Thomas came home today. He was very happy to see all of us. He hugged me and told me he missed me, and I felt a warm happiness when he said that. He told the children he mi
ssed them, too. He wasn’t home for long before he left again to go into town for some supplies, then he came back in time for dinner.

  I was nervous about him asking the children to read for him, and my fears came true. He asked them after dinner to show him that they could read, and all they could do was recite some of the letters of the alphabet. He didn’t smile or tell them they did a good job, but instead told them to get ready for bed. After they left the room he was angry and told me he was disappointed in my inability to teach them more than just a few letters. I was stung by his words, but I told him that perhaps it was time to think about sending the children to school. He was angry at my suggestion and yelled that teaching them is now my job since I am the woman of the house.

  I didn’t want Thomas to see me cry, so I spent the evening in the parlor while he remained in the kitchen. I am waiting until he is asleep to go into the bedroom. I checked myself in the looking glass and I can see that my eyes are red and puffy from crying.

  Papa has never made Mama cry, not that I know of.

  T

  June 20, 1866- Wednesday

  I have been working with Lady and Jesse on their letters and numbers while Thomas works in our fields. They are making good progress, though Thomas doesn’t think they are learning fast enough.

  Jesse said something today that startled me. He said he misses his mother and he wishes she could see where they live in Nebraska. I had mixed feelings about what he said. I was glad that he could talk about his mother, but I felt a little sorry for myself when he said he wished she could be here. I feel like I am not good enough and that even at their young ages, Jesse and Lady realize I don’t measure up to her or to their memory of her.